Trust Is Not Universal. It Is Cultural.
Almost 5 years in France. I still remember this moment.
I smiled at my neighbour. Asked how their family was doing. Offered to help when I saw them struggling with groceries.
They looked at me like I was selling something.
I wasn’t being naive. I was being Kenyan.
That same warmth that got me through 29 years in Kenya almost broke me in France. I trusted quickly. I gave before I was asked. I assumed goodwill because that is what I was taught.
And for a long time, it did not work the way I expected. I had conversations that felt warm but led to nothing. I waited for people to show up the way people show up back home. They didn’t. Not because they were bad people. Because they were operating on a completely different system.
That is when I started paying attention. Here is what nobody told me before I moved: trust is not universal. It is cultural.
I have a theory. The way you are raised, your environment, your culture, all of it shapes how you give and receive trust. Researchers call it the Peach vs Coconut model.
Americans start at 100. Open, warm, first-name basis from day one. Trust until you disappoint me. Europeans — French, Germans, Scandinavians — start at 0. Reserved. Formal. Cautious. But once you earn it? It runs deep and lasts. Many African cultures? We start at 100 AND go deep.
We greet strangers. We share food. We check on people we barely know. A Senegalese guy explained French taxes to me over coffee when I had nobody. Nobody asked him to. That is just how we operate.
In Kenya, in Nigeria, in Ghana, community is not a weekend activity. It is the operating system.
The West says: Prove yourself, then I will trust you. We say: I already trust you. Now, let us build something.
That is not a weakness. That is Ubuntu. I am because we are.
So if you are navigating the diaspora: European reserve is not rudeness — they are coconuts. A colleague who seems cold for months can become a loyal ally for years. Give it time. American warmth is not always friendship — “We should catch up!” is sometimes just a greeting. I learnt that the hard way. Do not shrink your warmth — it is a gift. It just needs cultural context. And build your village deliberately — it will not form on its own abroad. You have to start the group chat, host the dinner, and make the introduction.
Your culture taught you to trust generously. The diaspora asks you to also trust strategically. Both can be true.
Note: the 0 vs 100 framing is a practitioner lens, not hard science. But after 5 years here, it is the most useful thing I have found.
Have you felt this gap? What helped you navigate it?